March 21, 2022
You look heavy. Yea, there’s still some baby pounds to shed but that’s a conversation for a different day.
Heavy in that the weight of motherhood is on your shoulders and burdening your mind.
The longer I am a Mama, the more I realize there’s an unspoken weight to being a mama, being a parent in general I think but as a mama, I can speak to the weight of this role.
Mama is always within reach. At the edge of baby girl’s fingertips, at the other end of the monitor or peeking at the car seat mirror in the backseat.
Mama is always the best seat in the house. For baby girl, a comfy, soft belly to burrow against and arms that hug and hold just right.
For pup, my lap is the perfect pillow for his head, pinning me to my spot on the couch.
And when I do have a moment alone, it’s spent preparing for the next moment I am with my little one- cooking, cleaning, taking 5 minutes to make myself somewhat presentable but even that feels fruitless and silly sometimes.
The weight is also the concern that comes with being a parent. Last week, we were away and I made a decision that, when presented with the situation again, I would choose my response differently. Mama is learning.
The weight is also the lack of sleep, the tossing and turning that comes with a little one who’s congested and her whole sleep schedule is different. The lack of sleep making sure everyone else has what they need and finally going to bed myself. Mama is tired.
The weight is being the manager- the scheduler, shopper, if not the shopper, making the list for the shopper…the mental load of this role can be exhausting in and of itself. Mama is managing.
Everyone talks about losing the baby weight but I have not yet heard anyone talk about this weight, the weight of motherhood. Some days I feel like I put on a 20lb weight vest and that’s what I walk around in all day, moving through my routine or taking care of my little one or the pup or my husband.
Most days I carry this weight well and the 20lb weight feels like a 2lb weight that I can run in and fly.
Some days, today, the weight feels extra heavy. Our balance has shifted in the house & I have been solo parenting for the last 4 days. My husband was away and by day 4, I feel like my 20lb weight has doubled and I’m exhausted. While he was away we were able to get into a routine, I had lots of snuggles and cuddles with both baby girl and pup, took both baby girl and pup to doctors and vets appointment and created new memories with my extended family. We were busy! Now that my husband is home, the weight has lifted and the load is shared again. Mama is thankful.
Shout out to the mama’s flying solo most days or all days….my short stint of this experience makes me appreciate all YOU do for your little ones and appreciate the assistance my husband gives me day in and day out.
All of this begs to question what I do for me and it’s an area I am learning to navigate a little more each week. With the weather beginning to get warmer, I venture out for walks or runs either solo or with baby in tow and sometimes with the pleasant company of family or friends. The other thing I won’t skip on is my skincare and hair…a set of products specifically designed to “work” when I’m being mom.
This weight, the weight of motherhood is something I know I will carry with me forever. Some days it’ll be lighter and some days it’ll be heavier and that’s okay. Surrounding myself with people and experiences to help support the weight makes all the difference.
a heavy mama
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