This post has been a long time coming…Megan and I had an opportunity to chat over the summer with the intention of sharing her story for September. Life happened and my whole To Mama With Love blog took a backseat. I truly appreciate Megan’s patience and understanding as her story is being shared six months later than anticipated.
Megan and I met in college through extracurricular clubs and activities. Even though college is a decade behind each of us; we stayed connected through social media and now mom-life and it is my joy to share her story with all of you today.
Like all of us, Megan’s story is truly her own and everything she and her partner, also named Meg, have gone through continues to amaze me. Their belief in each other, in their choices and their vision for their family has (finally) come to fruition and from one mama to another, it makes my heart explode with joy and honestly, tears.
I’m getting ahead of myself though. Let me catch you up…
Megan and her wife Meg, met in May 2015. Oddly enough, they were originally going to be set up by Megan’s boss that March as he lived in the same apartment complex as Meg. However, he never set them up. Men. Talk about fate though…they ended up matching on an online dating site two months later!
Megan and Meg were married in 2018 and began talking about starting a family. Megan always had a desire to be a mama and carry her own children. Her wife was also clear on not wanting to carry children of her own and embraced the supportive, partner role as their parenting journey began.
Together, Megan and Meg have two children, almost a year apart to the day! Their son, A, is soon to be 3 and their daughter, O, is soon to be 2. And so their journey begins…
A entered Megan & Meg’s life as a 2-week old newborn in 2020. Megan and Meg were selected to be his foster parents and met A in the NICU at their local hospital. Both women became very attached to A and yet, tried to keep in mind the goal of foster care was for the child to be reunited with their birth parent(s). After a month of NICU visits, A was cleared to leave the hospital and return home with Megan and Meg…what an exciting day!
Knowing that Megan also wanted to carry a child of their own, they had decided to start the process of IUI- Intrauterine Insemination as most insurance companies do not accept initiating IVF- Invitro Fertilization, without trying IUI first.
Megan had three IUI cycles with a midwife with no success. Then she turned to Boston IVF and began working with their team of professionals. After a couple ultrasounds and blood monitoring, it was determined that Megan had Unexplained Infertility. IVF would be her only option.
Megan started IVF just before Covid (March 2020) took over. While all of this was going on, baby boy A was growing and thriving in their home.
Jump to July 2020, Megan was contacted and told to come to Boston IVF in August for an egg retrieval. She endured 3 shots a day and had her blood drawn every 48 hours leading up to her appointment in August.
Thanks to Covid, when Megan went in for her egg retrieval, she was alone; her mom could only wait in the parking lot. After the procedure, she found out that 8 eggs were retrieved and 5 were fertilized.
Only 2 eggs made it to day 5.
And yet…August was definitely cause for celebration in this house!
Megan found out she was pregnant! AND Megan and Meg were asked to be A’s adoptive parents. Cue the confetti!
Two very different paths were carved at this point…one, Megan’s pregnancy with baby girl O and two, the very long adoption process for baby boy A.
Thankfully, Megan’s pregnancy was relatively smooth and she experienced no morning sickness. She craved strawberries and anything strawberry flavored (turns out baby girl O loves strawberries now too)!
Both Megan and Meg’s parents were thrilled at the news of their pregnancy!
Through all of this excitement, both Megan and Meg tried to take one day at a time with the adoption of baby A. She remembers experiencing so many different emotions and tried to not get ahead of herself.
Through her pregnancy and all her bloodwork with O, Megan found out that she, herself, had a rare genetic disorder- (Familial Hypocalciuric Hypercalcemia- FHH) causing her to have higher calcium in her blood. It’s not something that causes any problems for Meg, and if baby girl O, also had this genetic disorder, everything would be fine. If she didn’t carry the genetic disorder, Megan’s body would have produced too much calcium for baby girl O and other medical action would need to be taken.
Luckily, at 20 weeks, everything looked great with baby girl O!
The rest of Megan’s pregnancy went smoothly and baby girl O was born, healthy and happy in May 2021!
New Mama Life:
It was important to Megan to breastfeed baby girl O, at least initially and she said she would give it 2 weeks. Baby girl O latched immediately. At 6 months, baby girl O started daycare and Megan and Meg transitioned her to breast milk in a bottle. She did great with it and Megan would continue to breastfeed when baby girl was home. At 10 months, baby girl started to receive formula and at 12 months, Megan only nursed O at bedtime.
Megan shared that she experienced a sense of attachment and guilt having carried baby girl O compared to her experience with baby boy A. She described having a specific connection to O through her pregnancy, and then a stronger connection while breastfeeding and described the feeling as both “lovely and exhausting”. She has a strong bond with O and she never wanted A to feel slighted because their (Megan and his) started out differently.
The relationship between A & O:
Megan shared that A and O get along wonderfully. From the moment they brought O home, A has been a doting brother. As siblings do, they get into spats from time to time but Megan and Meg have both loved and found so much joy in watching their relationship grow. A & O love to play outside together and take a walk to the local playground. They also really love to build with Magna-tiles, have dance parties and play hide and seek together!
Megan also shared that A understands O really well and has shared what O is saying if Megan and Meg are having a tough time figuring out her speech. A and O are so sweet and completely adore each other.
Both A and O currently attend the same daycare program but A will be transitioning to a different preschool in September.
While Megan and Meg were adjusting to newborn life all over again, their adoption process for baby boy A was still ongoing and at times, exhausting in it’s own right. After 824 days, when baby A was 2 and baby girl O was 16 months, Megan and Meg officially became A’s adoptive parents!
This is always one of my favorite questions…What have you learned or appreciated more about your mom, now that you’re a mama too?
Megan’s response resonated with my own. She shared how there have been a couple moments when she found herself “amazed” at how calm, cool and collected her mom was in different scenarios and how she never let on that she was actually terrified or nervous.
Additionally, she shared how she wondered how (her mom) survived “this” (being a mom)– especially when your child is sick. Megan described it perfectly when she said, “It’s like your heart is living outside of your body when anyone is sick” and it’s so challenging!
As a mama herself, Megan shared that she feels like a better parent when her kids go to daycare. She feels it helps her balance all of her roles and responsibilities of work and parenting and being a loving, supportive partner. Likewise, it helps her be truly present when her kids are home.
When she is parenting, Megan works really hard to be a “hands on” parent; to be present and make sure her kids feel heard and their emotions validated. She wants her parenting to be intentional and meaningful.
Megan also acknowledged that through their roles as parents, her relationship with her wife has changed. “There are days where we are still trying to find a groove and do fun things together”. She commented that “there simply isn’t enough time” somedays for each other and it’s even harder when their kid’s needs and schedules change.
It was so fun to hear Megan’s advice as a new mama and as a woman who went through an IUI and an IVF process.
Her best advice, she says, is for you and your partner to give each other a “pass” at whatever is said in the middle of the night. The only words that can be counted and acted on are the ones exchanged between sunrise and sunset. Middle of the night conversations, comments and exchanges are usually occurring on lack of sleep or pure exhaustion and should not be taken seriously.
Two- when you are trying to conceive, using whichever method is best for you and your partner…remember to make time for you as a person, do what you enjoy doing- outside of being a wife, outside of being a mama…it’s important to focus on you too.
Thank you Megan for sharing your Mama story with all of us and being a champion mama for A & O. They are so lucky to have you and Meg in their lives and I am so honored to share your unique and special story with our To Mama Community.